“One thing have I asked of the Lord, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple.” Psalm 27:4
What can be more precious than to gaze into the eyes of your child for the first time. To feel their heartbeat pressed against yours. The nine month journey that gave life and breath to this little being simply takes one’s breath away. It is moment and time of such immense beauty as you live in awe of a miracle to great to behold. There is also the gaze when you stand before the altar before you say ‘yes’ to marrying the love of you life, you soul mate. What blessings we are given in life, that are beyond words and comprehension. Life hands us times of great joy and times of tempest; times of clarity, times of confusion; times of fear and times of abandonment. The answers may not always be clear but we are given hope and guidance with utmost authority. In prayer things become clearer. In prayer our life becomes a gift. In prayer our words take on new meaning. In prayer we are given grace to see and live.
Choices are ever before us and I am reminded before I take the next step, to gaze upon Jesus. A movie I watch regularly that moves me, “Full of Grace”, which takes places years after the ascension of Jesus, in which Peter and the disciples are doubting their calling and mission and the fear amidst the time. In prayer, Peter he is drawn to return to mother Mary, who is in her final days and she reminds them of their mission to spread the good news. She reminds them, that there will be suffering but the joy greatly outweighs the cares and worries of this world. In Mary’s wisdom and love, she gracefully invites Peter and the disciples, to remember the time when Jesus first gazed upon them and they felt His love. This ‘gaze’ clung to my heart like honey and kept stirring in me, for days after. When was the first time I felt the love and ‘gaze of Jesus’? The time that seems most prominent in my life, is the day I received my first confession and eucharist at my first Holy Communion. At such a young age, I longed for that day. I recall wanting to give a good account of my sins but felt so inept. On that day when I first received the eucharist it was as if angels descended and I felt such an awesome presence. I had no words, nor could I understand the length and breadth of it. I had a feeling of being wrapped in incredible love. The world seemed to fade and a great sea of great love embraced me. It felt like the sun was dancing in my soul and lit up everything in front of me. It felt like a circle of grace, that was alive for me. From then on, I knew Jesus was at my side and would walk with me for the rest of my life. All this, I kept in my heart and pondered it throughout my life. Did I gaze upon Jesus that day?
It reminds me now that grace meets us in all tidings. That the hands of Jesus are always open, to embrace, to hold, to guide and to journey on. As I discern the next chapter in my life, It reminds me to keep my heart fixed on God’s work and mission. If we can gaze upon Jesus and allow Him to gaze upon us, we find the truth of who we are and where we are meant to go. Prayer and fasting, is the road of love by which such radiance can ever hope to be. I knew from that day forward, I wanted to make God happy for the rest of my life. I faltered many times, as we all do, but we are not defeated by our sins, but can be saved.
In the Psalm, we feel the deep love David had for the Lord. Instead of asking for protection and help all he asks is to “gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and his temple”. I sense a tide of great change ahead. Over time, prayer can go from asking to thanking and living in moments of great love with Jesus. Jesus says, ‘I will never leave you, forsake or abandon you’. In prayer, fasting, in the sacraments, in God’s precepts and law and seeking to grow in relationship with God and all things of God’s nature, we can hope to feel His gaze.
Jesus, can invite us to go through layers that prevent us from fulfilling our journey of Love. We need not have all the answers. There may be times of trial, be He will lead. We just have to put our trust in him. As song I recently heard for the first time by the Waterboys, “The Christ in You”, touched me. It says, “I’m gonna look twice at you, until I see the Christ in you.” We can the world in two shades, one with our broken humanness or through the eyes of God. The eyes of love. How different would your life be?
I pray you feel the gaze of Jesus and the love of Mary to show you the way or remember that magnificent moment you felt his loving embrace. Amen.
Peace,
Claudia